Peace, solace, understanding of my true self, all came at a very high cost. At this very moment, my mind is processing all the different strands that was woven into this web, representing my past.
I am having a hard time adding logic into this fancy entanglement in my head. My emotions are clouding over my mind. Often driven by emotions, I feel so much. Whether these feelings are those of my own journey or absorbed, they tend to overcrowd my mind and it takes me so much time to unravel the knots incidentally tied without my awareness. These sudden entanglements tend to boggle me down for sometimes days, weeks or months. No matter how hard I try to fix, learn, unlearn, or even snip them away, the bond and intricate nature of these strands do not detach easily. At times I just wish others would understand this natural bibre of my being and how it affects me. That I am who I am. That what has taken my lifetime to weave, just cannot be disassemble easily. No matter how much I want to, my roots, my foundation, my blueprint, is the genetic blueprint of me. That’s who I am. That’s what I am made of. I can change pieces of myself but my foundation should never be shakened to the point where I once felt lost, is now still lost. Gone are those days of pushing myself to become what others think of me. I truly need to accept who I have been, also is a part of who I am now and who I will become. Gone are the dog days, of being loyal to others. Self-love, self respect, self worth and my own morales and integrity, are the things I shall continue to focus on preserving. I shall choose what makes me happy, whom I wish to engage with, and how I build my own home. This home, as my foundation, needs stability and certainty. No more guessing and roaming around aimlessly.
Ely💚 
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