The most important and painful lesson I have endured along this spiritual journey is, how to love myself enough to be able to walk away from what I treasure the most. Unconditional love can become self sabotage behavior. This attachment to an external energy, is detrimental to self when I begin to lose passion to live happily which hinders self-growth. In other words, I need to fully establish my personal boundaries and a firm foundation. My limits are reached as I feel exhausted from constantly needing to seek answers. How I perceived true-love has been more of a struggle. It cancels out the efforts I put in for growth. It hurts even more since the way I love is like I’ve never been hurt before. It stings so much! I can love but I shouldn’t overgive and cause my healing to backfire. Another example of one step forward and two steps back. The purpose of this journey was to learn to heal, balance and to cultivate unconditional love and self-love. To be vulnerable, transparent, authentic and set boundaries. It has been extremely hurtful and painful in the process yet it has been unfulfilled. Now I’ve discovered I’ve been the one who’s been counter-productive. I thought that that’s how healing was supposed to be. How to love unconditionally to others at the expense of self-love. Actually to be fair to myself, the past I have released all the other relationships that was not good for me. Those cycles of death and rebirth, I overcame and was victorious. Now to release a particular energy that is deep within the soul, is the one lesson I’ve had to keep on learning over and over. But it also means to cultivate the highest form of self-love, that’s so difficult to release. This time, it’s not easy come easy go. I needed to learn self-worth. When there is no limits to love, but has the potential to destroy your self-worth, the love lingers and the passion slowly dissapates. Perhaps this is not true-love?
In the end, I learned that what I treasured the most, isn’t always what’s best for me. I have no regrets nor will I hold any grudges or resentments. I gained the most actually as I am inching close to reaching the best version of myself. I am and I shall always be grateful for all the lessons learned as they taught me my self-worth leading to growing spiritually and emotionally. This is it. I think I finally understood and let go of this layer of myself. Today, i shall spiral upwards once again! Living in a world of confusions and chaos, these experiences may work for others but I can choose to release what’s unfair and unjust to me. Just because I care does not mean I have to endure more suffering and add new blockages to what I have been struggling to heal. I rest my case. Starting over, I am going to follow my true heart’s desires that would promote external growth while balancing with my inner core values. What is meant for me will find me.